If you want your shoes to match your handbag for a fashion ready statement at the stadium, your gonna have to break out the jellies’. I can hear your mind hitting the rewind button on this announcement (insert sound effect here). Yes, the higher powers of NFL football have spoken, “It has to be ‘IN THE CLEAR‘ for you to get admittance into the stadium.” Women were being turned away from the gates during preseason, having to go back to their car to stow their handbag. Talk about a goldmine of purses for a criminal mind! Well, this means the new Marc Jacobs bag, unless it was created in collaboration with ZipLoc, will be unacceptable and will have to relinquish its designer status to that of a lowly shopgirl’s bag… plastic and completely see thru. So as I see it, you have 4 choices for that all important accessory, 3 of which clearly had to have been thought up of by men.
1. The man created, and oh so snazzy NFL “IN THE CLEAR” bag. As if it’s not painful enough with for the cost of season tickets, over priced beer and food but now…. just add a few more $$ to cover the cost of the NFL approved handbag. Let’s go one further and add couple $$ more… for the IN THE CLEAR backpack bag for the toddler toting mom to stash not only her stuff but diapers, wipes and stuffie. The bags come in all shapes and sizes and are moderately priced. However, fashion savvy they are not.
2. A small clutch no bigger than the size of you hand. C’mon, really? Let me see, should I take that super-sized tampon or my phone and lip gloss. Decisions… decisions! Oh yeah, and who is gonna hold on to this damn thing while I’m cheering on my favorite team!
3. The gallon-sized resealable bag for the hardcore gal… you just don’t care what people think and the hand-sized clutch just isn’t big enough for your Samsung 4 smart phone, pack of cigs and your Wet ‘n Wild lip gloss.
4. Or… in the spirit of Pinterest and Etsy, a DIY bag created by girl power.
My girlfriend needed a last minute bag that she could carry on her shoulder. Last Friday this supermom was multi-tasking at the pool with her two toddlers in tow. One wrong move, she zigged when she should have zagged, and wham… fumble! She is now sporting crutches with a sprained and possible fractured ankle. Results will come in today. No matter the results, she will be sitting in the Club Seats tonight at FedEx Field cheering on the Skins! Since there will be the continued possibility of crutches (I say “go with the crutches” and use them to your advantage girl to expedite your way through the long security checkpoint lines!) the need for a shoulder strap is crucial. So last night we took on the task of creating her “IN THE CLEAR BAG”. So what does one do at the last moment with a few materials on hand? Step back, it was time to channel our “inner Ms. MacGyver” that and a bottle of wine. Now take note ladies, this is how it’s done and these are the things you need:
- Did I mention the bottle of wine?
- The zippered clear plastic packaging from your daughter’s new set of full-sized sheets.
- Zip-ties raided from your husband’s man stash or if you are on the FIfty Shades of Gray side, zip-ties from the “Red Room of Pain”.
- Duct tape (Seriously ladies, what project wouldn’t be complete without duct tape? What about all the moms out there who have been pestered by their children to decoratively duct tape their world. I know I just spent 2 hours decoratively duct taping multiple school composition books, pocket folders and pencil boxes! Duct tape, it’s everywhere, in every store, in every color, in every pattern, in every college logo and I’m sure in every NFL team logo. You can choose to be as girly as you like, perhaps punk it out with skull and bones or show your team pride.)
With 3 rolls (thank you Costco) of girly duct tape in hand, my friend and I started cutting 4 1/2″ long strips to make the age-old “chewing gum wrapper chain” (think Juicy Fruit and Double-Mint).
The chewing gum chain proved to be a little dicey on the durability factor so we reinforced the outside edges with a row of the duct tape. The end result made the strap look even better. I am sure there is a way to make the chain work. I mean, they make purses and baskets using this method! It’s just that we were to busy dealing with unruly children and under the gun for time to start Googling “how to methods”. The zip-ties were used as reinforcement on the ends of the chain and around the bottom and sides of the plastic packaging bag.
While doing this “on the fly project”, we were flanked by my girlfriend’s 2 toddlers and my 2 kids running amuck. They were trying to grab snippets of duct tape and their little hands were trying to make the adult-sized scissors work. I had visions of running with scissors and long locks of hair hitting the ground. The husbands were comfortably ensconced on the couch watching the opening night of NFL football, completely oblivious to the chaos of children. (Easton darling, would you get Mommy Dearest another glass of wine? Daddy seems to have fallen asleep on the couch and he’s no help.) At some point in the evening my 9 and 7-year-old assumed parental responsibilities of the two toddlers. Mommy Dearest #1 and Mommy Dearest #2 couldn’t be bothered while sipping their wine and crafting the “IN THE CLEAR” bag. We were “in the zone” (football pun intended), working diligently on our one-of-a-kind bag. While it may not be Pinterest or Etsy ready, it turned out eye-catching and in an offbeat way… cool. The jury is still out on how the shoulder strap will hold up.
It’s easy to make fun of the situation but necessity is the mother of invention. Two women have hit YouTube with a funny video poking fun at the new policy changes #MYPurseMyChoice. Unfortunately, in today’s world, excessive security measures have forced us to live our lives in a fish bowl and now…. the perfect handbag for that fishbowl! So put on those brightly colored jelly shoes and run with the pack.
(I know…. this jelly wedge is not your 80’s kickback. This one is darn cute and can be found here.)
Smile and nod as the lady sitting next to you admires your DIY “IN THE CLEAR” bag and those awesome and stylish jelly shoes. It’s all you girl, unique and fashion savvy among the masses!